a stanza...

 ...by Siegfried Sassoon. -From whom I still care deeply about, thusly:

What share we most—we two together?

Smells, and awareness of the weather.

What is it that makes us more than dust?

My trust in h[er]; in me, h[er] trust.  [-sorry Sassoon. Jpt]

Cassandra Syndrome

I'm pretty sure I have the Asperger's Syndrome. I seem to be able to follow instructions well enough to perform the required tasks at a high degree of performance. Mathematics, linguistics, art, I can do as demanded.

But I seem to have a hard time engaging with people at the personal level. People, to me, are avatars (fictional characters) that I cannot take seriously unless I know them personally.

This is my brother, Aimo

 Aimo Paniloo - YouTube

despite our different last names, he and I are brothers according to our genetics.

so proud of you. You are totally amazing.

RIP Philip, my brother

I was devastated to learn of your passing, my excellent friend. And, then, a thought occurred to me: you were always curious and wondered about all things that came across your awareness (significant and interesting things to discuss during our hours-long sit-down sessions), maybe you were intrigued by what was on the other side and you went searching.

That is how I want to remember you, brother Philip. A kindred spirit. Rest in peace, my love.

my impressions of gesture

for my love

some works I've done lately. initial forays into gesture.

I had forgotten...

 ...how much I love Glenn Gould (1955): J.S.Bach "The Goldberg Variations" [ Glenn Gould ] (1955) - YouTube

the girl of my dreams was my girl. and, yet, only in looking back now do I realize who I truly was with.

aging is not fun but it has its little shards of paradise, moments snapped in time, moments that seize and stretch like shadows falling into a blackhole.

movie is art

One of the most beautiful movies I've seen in a while is The Harder They Fall. Movie is art, the soul, the heart. I see a time when I felt normal, that distant past, unreachable. This movie does that. I want to be Nat Love.

nat love - Google Search

Here there be monsters

I have monsters inside of me. These are not schisms of the psyche; they are potentialities that should never come out again:

There is the enraged me, there is the belligerent me, there is the arrogant me, the self-righteous me, the overbearing me, the creepy me, the creepier me. Grating, embarrassing, undignified, humiliating, disgusting, vulgar, all. I have much to apologize for, to so many people, for so much destructive behaviour I enacted that hurt them. Upon reflection, I'm surprised I haven't self-executed.

One of the hardest things about trying to heal is the obligatory self-examination.

I said that these behaviours are "potentialities"; what I mean here is that my always excessive, overly-excessive drinking allows these monsters to come out when I've achieved oblivion and all filters fall away  - I'm not excusing myself, I am truly at fault here.

I do not want to be remembered as the monsters I've let out. This is the hardest realization: we cannot redo the past. Some things cannot be repaired. Perhaps just as hard: we are responsible for what happens next.

I ever hold out hope...

Sometimes the path to healing and sobriety is like walking on an endless, featureless plain

After many years of unchecked self-indulgence, reframing the alcoholic mindset to total abstinence can be like walking in a featureless landscape where, if one is not mindful, there seems to be little progress and ruminating on the past aimlessly becomes a vicious cycle. To me, 'folk religion' (whether Christian, Buddhist, Taoist, etc.), though are themselves comprised of solid principles for living, provide little if any comfort otherwise because they do not really provide realistic psychology insights.

So I turn to tarot card and I Ching readings not because I believe in them (I try and avoid magical thinking if at all possible) but because they encapsulate certain archetypes and commentary that I'm familiar with and are excellent tools for a more insightful self-reflection. Here is my I Ching reading today:

Your reading resulted in the following hexagrams:

Hexagram 40, Release (no changing lines)

Key Questions

If nothing could bind you, where would you go?
Do you 'have to'? Who says?
Which path leads to where you want to be?

Oracle

'Release. Fruitful in the southwest.
With no place to go,
To turn round and come back is good fortune.
With a direction to go,
Daybreak, good fortune.'

To 'release' is to liberate, to solve problems, to untie knots. The first step towards release is a move 'southwest': no longer battling on to pursue the mission, but going back to your roots and reconnecting with home and allies. When you know where you're coming from, it becomes a lot easier to be clear about where you're going.

If your path has no real destination, turn back; if it has purpose, start your journey as early as you can. If you have no good reason to continue on as before, come back to your starting point and let that cycle reach its end; if you have a goal in mind, why not start exploring ways to attain it right away?

This would be such simple advice, if only we didn't spend our lives being 'pulled' down paths that lead nowhere, as if by invisible strings.

Image

'Thunder and rain do their work: Release.
A noble one pardons transgressions and forgives crimes.'

Sequence

Release follows from Hexagram 39, Limping:
'Things cannot end with hardship, and so Release follows. Release means letting things take their time.'

one of the saddest, most beautiful songs

Chris Cornell - "Nothing Compares 2 U" (Prince Cover) [Live @ SiriusXM] | Lithium - YouTube

How many faces or images do you see?

One of the ways I avoid human contact (eye contact) is to look at things that capture my eye. I took this picture of the sky in a city park in Rankin Inlet when too many people came. I call it, "Howmanyfacesorimagesdoyousee?"

Lighten thou mine eyes; and I shall behold the marvels of thy [works].

Don't quite know how I managed this

 This is a view from the bedroom of the first apartment I moved into in Rankin Inlet.

there is no touch-up, no trickery.

The Pandemic: I did not buy more than usual toilet paper

At the start of the pandemic, I didn't horde any toilet paper, I did not make any sundry sourdough baked goods, I had no memes to share.

What I started was what I had continued from before.

this is my study of the archangel, Michael.

this is 'found material' that I put together

-a 5pm.

Here is the face of Chronos

and, here is Medusa

-where is Chronos here?